More Thoughts on Outsourcing

I’d outsource myself if I had half a chance,
I’d outsource my shirt, my tie and my pants,
I’d outsource transportation, and let someone else drive,
I’d outsource all lies, no truths I’d contrive,
I’d outsource carbohydrates, calories, and fat,
I’d outsource my dog. I’d outsource my cat.
I’d outsource all my troubles, ship them off to Mumbai,
I’d outsource my whole life, never grow old, never die.
I’d outsource hegemony, hubris, and hate,
I’d outsource the time, so I’d never be late,
I’d outsource my psychiatrist, to find one that’s deeper,
I’d outsource the outsourcers, to find one that’s cheaper,
I’d outsource my cleaning, my washing, and drying,
I’d outsource new experiences not worth trying,
I’d outsource my mind, body and soul,
Until all that’s left is a big gaping hole.