King-Conor's Blogtopia

2008-02-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

2008-02-16T20:52:00.003-05:00

Glass Harmonica Symphony

Schmidy Makes the News Again

2008-01-22T10:33:00.000-05:00

Schmidy, forever the fish out of water sports fan, makes the Minnesota evening news with his support for the New York Giants in a Green Bay Packers bar. (Schmidy was the one claiming to have "unfrozen the tundra")

http://www.wcco.com/video/?id=35633@wcco.dayport.com

Baby Haiku

2007-06-12T16:44:00.000-04:00

Grunts pierce the silence,
Ahhhh. Gahhhhhh! We brace for the onslaught,
But are spared, this time.

In throes of despair,
Miniature legs kick, left – right,
Like engine pistons.

Was that a real smile?
Or just some indigestion,
What makes you happy?

When you’re fast asleep,
Of ample breasts do you dream?
What thoughts make you scream?

When you’re being held,
And gaze up into our eyes,
Utter helplessness.

You like being changed,
It’s no fun to sit in poo,
While vile juices stew.

Your very small hands,
Clench tighter than rubber bands,
Onto stick-fingers.

We’ve but washed you twice,
So how do you smell so nice?
Baby pheromones?

Who controls your arms?
Because you sure as hell don’t.
Flail, wounded spider.

I wish we could talk,
You’d communicate your woes,
I’d say, “I love you.”

Life Emerges

2006-09-18T16:43:00.000-04:00

You think your life’s full, can’t fit another thing,
The world is your court, and you are the king,
You work hard everyday, but harder do you play,
Priority one has been keeping adulthood at bay,
But then your wife tells you, you better sit down.
But you’re not worried because you don’t see her frown,
She gives you a package wrapped up with a bow,
But it’s not your anniversary, as far as you know,
You look up at Wifey, whose tears are collecting,
Then you unwrap the present, “What To Expect, When You’re Expecting”,
“I never took for granted, the fact that we could breed,”
I wasn’t sure my swimmers had the stamina or speed.
But I’m looking at two home tests, and it’s clear they indicate yes.
In March of ’07, with a baby we’ll be blessed.

2006-09-14T23:23:00.000-04:00

My favorite childhood cereal. FrankenBarry

2006-09-09T00:18:00.000-04:00

Surprise! Lady Liberty's thirsty.

2006-08-25T19:12:00.000-04:00

Beekah. Man of the Year. Obviously.

2006-08-24T16:20:00.000-04:00

From left to right: Me, Cait, and Lisa at the Cliffs of Mohr.

2006-08-24T16:17:00.000-04:00

From left to right: Me, Cait, and Lisa at the Great Pyramids.

More Thoughts on Outsourcing

2006-08-11T16:38:00.000-04:00

I’d outsource myself if I had half a chance,
I’d outsource my shirt, my tie and my pants,
I’d outsource transportation, and let someone else drive,
I’d outsource all lies, no truths I’d contrive,
I’d outsource carbohydrates, calories, and fat,
I’d outsource my dog. I’d outsource my cat.
I’d outsource all my troubles, ship them off to Mumbai,
I’d outsource my whole life, never grow old, never die.
I’d outsource hegemony, hubris, and hate,
I’d outsource the time, so I’d never be late,
I’d outsource my psychiatrist, to find one that’s deeper,
I’d outsource the outsourcers, to find one that’s cheaper,
I’d outsource my cleaning, my washing, and drying,
I’d outsource new experiences not worth trying,
I’d outsource my mind, body and soul,
Until all that’s left is a big gaping hole.

Chacerero

2006-07-12T09:47:00.000-04:00

My friend Heidi brought up a good point. There is more to life than Steve's Greek Cuisine. Perhaps I am bitter because Stever raised his prices to further gouge unsuspecting tourists. Regardless of the source of my bitterness, I would like to share Heidi's Chacerero Haiku. Chacerero's cuban style sandwiches are truly legendary. If you have the chance I suggest you pick one up.

My Chacerero,
Sandwich fills up my stomach,
With joyful flavor.

A Chac with no guac,
Is not a Chac at all, Nye,
But boredom on bread.

Keith takes extra hots,
His mouth burns at every bite,
But he keeps chewing.

To start, God made Chacs,
Now we can live peacefully,
He does care for us.

-Heidi

2006-06-27T22:37:00.000-04:00

Old Fashioned Thrashathon

dUdEs. This is too good not to share.

More Delicious Steve's Greek Haiku

2006-05-26T15:16:00.000-04:00

All kids hate salad,
Disagrees with their palette,
They never met Steve.

Do me a favor,
And shoot me if I’m too full,
For Steve’s fine cuisine.

Fighting the currents,
Of oblivious tourists,
We’re salmon, they’re bears.

Eat your free pita,
Cuz you’re no Femme Nikita
You diet cheater.

Rain Haiku

2006-05-16T16:08:00.000-04:00

I know water’s wet,
It’s a fact hard to forget,
So don’t remind me!

Weather talk; useless,
Little knowledge is transferred,
Robot dialogue.

My consternation,
Is the forced meditation,
Rain chants, “pit-a-pat”.

Umbrella my shield,
Raindrop protection you wield,
But to wind you yield.

People squint their eyes,
Wild wind whips gray, barren skies,
Pure force, no form, size.

Coffee Haiku Cont.

2006-05-03T09:35:00.000-04:00

Nectar of the gods,
Caffeine is saintly and true,
We'll pray thrice today.

-Courtesy of Evan Evans

A coffee order,
Should not take you a minute,
Please, just spit it out.

My anger’s welling,
And there’s really no telling,
Who’ll wear my coffee.

A Few More Coffee Haiku I Brewed For You

2006-05-03T08:29:00.000-04:00

Aromatic, black,
Liquid personality,
Not banality.

Drinking Venti Bold,
A Buck 89? I’m sold,
Just don’t be snarky.

I’m here for coffee,
Not to listen to you bitch,
You’re a Folger’s snitch.

Steve's Greek Haiku

2006-04-27T10:59:00.000-04:00

There's a spot in Fanueil Hall called Steve's Greek serving a most luxurious combination of chicken and salad. The following Haiku are a tribute to them.

It costs 6.50,
So it’s not for the thrifty,
Worth every penny.

Chicken drenched in oil,
Health value surely foiled,
Maybe next time broiled?

Order from the girl,
Cuz she hooks it up hardcore,
May I please have ‘Smore?

I think Steve’s croutons,
Are aged in ripe futons,
But I’m not picky.

Dressing so creamy,
Poured on chicken so steamy,
Greek Steve’s is dreamy.

Your ample portions,
Cause my stomach contortions,
Sweet bile abortions.

5 minutes away,
With the Fanueil delay,
Make sure eyes don’t stray.

Which worker is Steve,
Who beguiles us to believe,
That salad is great?

Vertical spinning,
Flavorful juices dripping,
Work I’ll be skipping.

There’s really no line,
Tricking those who wish to dine,
That everything is fine.

Steve is not from Greece,
Lies he makes us all believe,
Boston tourists fleeced.

More Coffee Haiku!

2006-04-13T16:48:00.000-04:00

I like it robust,
Sweetener and cream a must,
In caffeine I trust.

Addicted? Yes, true,
There’s nothing I’d rather do,
Than sip the black brew.

Free coffee is good,
But buying it is better,
Psychological?

More Recon Haiku

2006-04-13T16:21:00.000-04:00

Got an AIK?
I’ll put my skillz on display,
You don’t have to pay.

Excluding forwards,
But derivatives must stay,
It’s just recon’s way.

Our Recon platform,
Is no longer supported
Upgrades aborted.

Sloppy CSV’s,
Yield us crappy NAV’s,
It’s soooo hard to please.

Crank out a macro,
And just stay off the crack bro,
Aint hard to crack yo.

Our overflow lines,
Are hardly ever answered,
So don’t even try.

You call it “urgent,”
I see things differently,
Cuz I know the truth.

2006-03-30T17:55:00.000-04:00

Hmmm. Tasty.

Jagermeister Musings

2006-03-30T16:24:00.000-04:00

For your enjoyment, some Jager Musings.

It's sweet to the smell, with a deep reddish hue,
With a syrup-like consistency, a beautiful view,
The legend says this liquor, was aided by a stud,
The stud made his contribution, by lending the drink his blood,
I keep it in the freezer, till frost obscures its name,
When I am on the Jaeger, I don't deserve the blame.
-King Conor

I know Jagermeister, like I know my best friend,
Through think and through thin, we don't break but we bend,
No matter the damage the night before reigned,
I'll step up to the challenge and do it again,
German for hunt master, you'll conquer your peers,
After a bottle, it will be antlers you wear,
Conor is right, on ice is divine,
But if you can't find some, a brown bag will do fine.
-Mikey

German for hunt master, you'll conquer your peers,
Take a few swigs in between beers,
Kamikazes are for the girlish and puerile,
Jaeger for the manly and virile,
Tequila and Lemon Drops are done to death,
But Jaeger leaves sweet spice on your breath,
So down it cold or down it warm,
Jaeger will put you in rare form.
-Duffer

More Political/Economic Haiku For You

2006-03-29T14:18:00.000-04:00

Pakistan’s neighbor,
Delivers us cheap labor,
But what’s the real cost?

Greenspan’s left the fed,
“The country’s all set”, he said.
Democracy’s dead.

Our national debt,
Should make politicians sweat
Fiscal needs unmet.

Outsourcing Haiku

2006-03-16T11:39:00.001-04:00

What’s in India,
That can’t be done better here?
Not too much I fear.

Educated, Cheap,
Working while we’re fast asleep,
Soldiers of Mumbai.

2005-09-07T08:28:00.000-04:00

Good Times DB

Spring is Hell

2005-05-25T11:12:00.000-04:00

Time for indoor chores,
Skies open, so close your doors,
When it rains it pours.

Spring is not my friend,
When winter’s grip doesn’t end,
Unnatural Chill.

Degenerate slug,
With a sly, pug-ugly mug,
Spring gives us the shrug.

Coffee Haiku

2005-05-24T11:08:00.000-04:00

Coffee induced rants,
Caffeine, Antioxidants,
Make me wet my pants.

When the clock strikes noon,
I grab myself a clean spoon,
Java, my harpoon.

Sweeter than candies,
You were made in the Andes,
Softer than panties.

What's on for the weekend?

2005-03-24T16:00:00.000-04:00

What are you and your people up to this long-weekend? The

Icy Hot Stuntaz

are probably just going to cruise in Freeze's new whip.

TiVo Tip

2005-03-21T23:48:00.000-04:00

Just when I thought I knew every Tivo Tip, I learned something new.

Easter is Coming

2005-03-18T16:51:00.000-04:00

Perhaps this boy didn't get any chocolate this Easter. Or perhaps,

THE EASTER BUNNY IS EVIL!!!

The Annoying Secretary

2005-03-17T16:38:00.000-04:00

With a temper like the hook of Sonny Liston,
There’s a nuts, young woman in my office named Kristen,
She staples and collates, schedules, copies and binds,
But I think she’s a she-devil, my nerves she grinds,
The hiring committee is lead by a sucker,
To hire a ditz with the mouth of a trucker,
A trim, svelte lady, with a rough Marlboro voice,
If she’d shut her wide pie-hole, I’d have to rejoice,
Her music plays all day, I have no protection
I loathe Madonna’s Immaculate Collection,
Her favorite phone topics are gossip and fashions,
If we’re stuck on an island, I’ll steal her rations,

Steroids In Our Midst

2005-03-10T12:03:00.000-04:00

Barry Bonds, “The Fake”
Bulked up on more than rare steak,
Baseball’s biggest flake.

Something is amiss,
When your peeing purple piss,
‘Just the way it is.

Learn to hit home runs,
As your retirement comes,
Earning giant sums.

Shill’s testifying,
We’re hoping he’s not lying,
He’s competitive.

Inspiring Inspiron 600M from Dell

2005-03-09T17:54:00.000-04:00

I bought a laptop,
Inspiron 600M,
Compact but speedy.

Why buy internet?
When folks serve up their signals,
For nary a cent.

Computer diction,
Is a form of encryption,
To keep out Newbies.

Ski Weekend

2005-03-03T16:50:00.000-04:00

I used to like snow,
A while ago,
Like back in the fall,
It seemed like a ball,
But it’s March right now,
And I’m not sure how,
But it got to me,
So it’s time to ski.

Have a nice weekend. The family is off to Attitash for a weekend of wintry activities. It will be nice to get away and give a fond farewell to the white stuff. I suppose that is wishful thinking, isn’t it?

Stumbled on a dorky gem

2005-02-24T14:06:00.000-04:00

Today I surfed my way to a really fun/time-consuming website called “Improv Everywhere”. In a nutshell, dorky, drama-types stage elaborate hoaxes for their website. I suppose it is in the same vein as Britain’s “Trigger-Happy TV” but without the animal costumes. Be sure to check out the McDonald’s Bathroom Attendant as well as Ben Folds Five Missions.

A photo blog worthy of your time

2005-02-23T11:52:00.000-04:00

Interested in photography? This photo blog is one of the best I’ve seen. For the most part, the comments are intelligent and educational. It’s worth a gander.

Smeed's Joke of the day

2005-02-22T17:28:00.000-04:00

Inspired by the Jacko Haiku, Smeed sounded-off.

When is it time for bed on the Neverland Ranch?

Answer:

When the big hand touches the little hand!

Michael Jackson Haiku

2005-02-18T10:53:00.000-04:00

The Neverland Ranch,
Was a delightful playground,
But not anymore.

Jacko had the flu,
But the story isn’t true,
And Shanley sucks too.

Plastic surgery,
Was repeated bi-monthly,
A white chimpanzee.

Janet’s freakin’ weird,
Her wardrobe is mocked and feared,
We pray her head cleared.

2005-02-17T16:04:00.000-04:00

Got some time on your hands? Find Bin Laden!

what's missing?: games you can play in the car

2005-02-16T13:42:00.000-04:00

Random people have random thoughts. I am convinced of it. I laughed out loud at this random high-school aged idea of how to pass time on a long car ride.

what's missing?: games you can play in the car

2005-02-15T16:55:00.000-04:00

It looks like The Cap'n was here!

2005-02-15T16:23:00.000-04:00

Tony Hawk NEVER got this blitzed. Two out of three psychiatrists recommend not looking at the Beekah's shirt, for fear of its hypnotic effects. Do not except a pitcher of beer from him! You'll never make your last train, despite his assurances.

2005-02-15T16:04:00.000-04:00

These men aren't gay, they just found out that DB operations is remaining in Boston! Yeeahhhhh!

2005-02-15T15:43:00.000-04:00

Do you honestly think you can out-drink this man?

Important Advice

2005-02-15T15:29:00.000-04:00

When you have to go,
It is a good thing to know,
There’s paper below.

Valentines Day

2005-02-14T17:38:00.000-04:00

Valentines Day,

The men go out to buy candy,
To make the 14th a real dandy,
But it's never enough,
To buy the sweet stuff,
Then the men are alone and so randy.

Sorry?

2005-02-10T17:42:00.000-04:00

"Sorry" doesn’t work,
When your eyes betray your smile,
You’re still a damn jerk.

Stearnsy Says:

2005-02-10T17:00:00.000-04:00

Look at all the food
I am starving and can’t eat
I would love some cake!

A New Direction

2005-02-10T15:46:00.000-04:00

I think I now know what to do with this Blog.

It shall be a recepticle of poetic thoughts. Since I have been writing mainly Haiku lately, I suppose I should start out with that.

Misc. Haiku

There’s no permanence,
I’ve been searching my whole life,
It’s window dressing.

If life is a day,
And you’re dying at night,
Why not go and play?

I take the high road,
When low times get me lower,
I remember you.

I like to drive fast,
It’s quite uncontrollable,
My right foot is lead.

Let’s go to the bar,
It’s a par for the weekend,
It’s never too far

Work Haiku

Sedol and Isin,
Cusip's roaming like Bison,
Dummy's are ricin

Recon’s what I do,
I cook up reports for you,
Taste my data stew.

Please don't F*ck up on,
The reconciliation,
Retaliation.

I hate compliance,
Don't report in defiance,
But please mad clients.

Creating recons,
With monkey-like precision,
Banana paychecks.

My PC is stuck,
Underachieving as usual,
I could give a f*ck.

Identifiers,
dummied, are like white-liars,
and faulty tires.

2005-02-09T15:40:00.000-04:00

Deep fried turkey is as amazing as everyone says. It is crispy and tender. This is my '04 Thanksgiving day bird.

KFC

2005-01-31T17:16:00.000-04:00

The truth behind the name change from Kentucky Fried Chicken to KFC. I'm not sure I agree or disagree. I need some evidence. Like a Matrix-esque picture of the growing Fields.

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/food/kfc.htm

Testing out the Blog

2005-01-31T15:41:00.000-04:00

This is my attempt at a BLOG. At some point, I may have something important to say. That moment is not now, but if and when that moment comes, I will be ready.